It's strange how you just "know" these things.
Maybe I'm just an old pro by now, by I knew this pregnancy was different and that it had to be a girl. I saved all of Astair's clothes several years ago because somehow I knew that one day we would have another little girl.
One day is right around the corner.
19 weeks already scratched off the calendar.
I can't wait to hold another precious girl baby in my arms.
And I'm finally starting to feel that second trimester well-being, the strength slowly returning to chase the woozies and the snoozies of early pregnancy.
I'm starting to feel a little bit like myself again.
And it feels good.
God and I had a long talk today and He was gentle as always, even though I was so frustrated with myself and my crazy mood swings and my lack of energy and my massive mommy failings. I've been sick for a week with an upper respiratory infection that literally had me wiped out and stole my voice for days. I was miserable. And even though I was feeding my body tons of vitamin C, eating kiwi fruit by the pound, and forcing water down my throat, I was neglecting to feed my soul. It's truly amazing how God shows us these things, how gentle the correction is, how life-giving his discipline.
"For in him we live and move and have our being." Acts 17:28
I'm not truly living unless I'm living in Him. Drawing my nourishment from His Words, His Spirit. I need a steady diet of soul food. This pregnancy has me relying on Jesus in a whole new way. It's almost like I've reached the edge of what I can do on my own. I really can't accomplish anything (much less get out of bed in the morning) without Him. I prayed for strength today, to be the mother and wife and friend and daughter that He wills me to be. I prayed through the Psalms and I didn't stop praying. And I felt Him strengthening me. I felt Jesus renewing me, lifting me, giving me grace.
I can't wait to seek Him again tomorrow.